I don’t write this lightly. In fact, I have had years to evaluate many things I have experienced with people in general and so, this post is just as much painful for me to write as it will be for you to read it.
There was a time that my husband and I had people try to come against our marriage and even our livelihood. There were times we were made to be obligated, given guilt trips and made to feel as if we were wrong for making decisions based on our circumstances outside of our control. Comments were made about our marriage that if we believed them, would have undermined us.
It took us moving almost a thousand miles away after losing everything and then spending years building our life and careers together to see things differently about people. After we left, God opened doors for us which resulted in opportunities and joy and peace of mind we would have not had otherwise.
And I want to tell you that it’s okay. It’s okay to move for employment, for opportunities. It’s okay to feel you need to get away and have your time to yourself to live your life. Even if it means moving away from people you love.
It’s also okay to say no if you don’t want to do something or go somewhere. It’s okay to voice your hurt or frustration with things from your childhood or adulthood that you have experienced. It’s okay to be angry at hardships you have endured not of your own doing, and then work on getting through that emotional pain.
Getting through emotional pain takes time, and I recommend doing it away from the people who may have caused it.
It’s okay to also walk away from other people’s expectations on your life. It’s okay to move away and rebuild your life with just your spouse or even if you are single, to do it on your own.
I want you to know that it’s okay if you see your friends or loved ones differently, and don’t want much to do with them right now or even for a long time. Sometimes that’s God’s way of saying you need to heal first. So let him heal you, and then when the time is right, you will know when you are ready.
Ouch, I know. But…
Our humanity or purpose is not hinged on expectations from others or what their ideologies are for our life.
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Maybe you need a break. Sometimes it takes time to get to know who you are, and then God takes care of the rest. God calls each person by himself, between you and him. What your purpose is may or may not involve your loved ones or friends, or even your grown kids. That’s okay.
When my husband and I moved away, we started seeing things differently. We went through so much together so soon, from circumstances not of our own doing. It took us a few years after we moved away to feel as if we were actually living our lives completely independent from others, yet dependent solely on one another and God.
That’s how marriage should be.
Trauma is a hard thing. When you have endured so much of it throughout your life, you don’t really see what it has done to you until you are freed from it.
But it takes time. And sometimes that time means moving away to do it.
After some time, you start to see things differently that you would not have noticed as much if you were still around the same people all the time. You may start to question things you were told or taught in life. And then it hits you, “I don’t think I want to live around them anymore.” You don’t have to and guess what? That’s okay.
Yea that one.
Ouch.
It doesn’t mean you love them less.
So, I want you to take the pressure off when it comes to anyone in your life who is trying to discourage or prevent you from growing or learning, or even making a living. You have a purpose, and most times whatever that purpose is will not involve what anyone thinks you should or shouldn’t do, or think, or believe, or even live.
It’s time to stop feeling guilty for feeling the way we do at times and needing our space with people in our lives. Sometimes God needs to get you to yourself so he can show you things and start working in your life.
Think about it.
Ouch. But again, take the pressure off. God has a purpose for everyone, and sometimes he must move us away from people in order to help us grow and work miracles in our lives.
Amariah Books 