It’s Okay to Want to Give Up.

I hit a pivot with people last year half way through this pandemic that made me question humanity. A big part of me wondered about myself too. Between the chaos I had to step away from a lot of things that had brought me joy, and projects I had begun working on had to be put on hold. So I just wanted to give up. I didn’t know if those pieces of me would ever grow back or if I would even care if they did.

Every time I thought I could focus on a dream or a hope I had begun working on, something else would catapult me in the face and stop me in my tracks, other things that took precedence. I felt as if I was stifled, held prisoner and the exhaustion would not go away.

We spiraled through a time in our history we never anticipated. We throttled through pot holes that ended up being caverns of great despair we were not prepared for, and gutted ourselves of hope.

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So I quit. I sunk into a hardened grief about the world and people and part of me died inside. I sulked in silence and allowed the thoughts of my torments taunt me like an embrace of winters scowl.

“The trees, the flowers, the plants grow in silence. The stars, the sun, the moon moves in silence. Silence gives us a new perspective.” -Mother Teresa

But then that part of me I called death chipped off in chunks of despair and something grew to replace it. It was alive and thriving with a truth that sometimes only suffering in silence can bring.

Even death is like shadows swimming in our ears. It crawls inside our heads and breeds fears.

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“When you know that something is dying inside you, you learn not to put much trust in the random vitalities of the fleeting moment.” -Robert Silverberg

Image by Meine Reise geht hier leider zu Ende. Märchen beginnen mit from Pixabay 

Everything since the start of the pandemic seemed like fleeting moments. A part of me sloshed off with frustrations in the unknown, and the part that stayed grew wings into transitions of moving forward regardless of how much I wanted to give up.

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Maybe a part of my faith wavered. But also a part of me didn’t care. Maybe you too, have seen or are facing a time in your life where you just want to give up. Perhaps you not only do not care, but you can’t keep going either.

It’s okay.

It’s okay to want to give up.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28

Our history is chock full of humanity not only wanting to give up, but also being pulled through the wreckage at times where hopelessness seemed inevitable.

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“God renew my energy when I am tired.” -Psalm 103:5

We all reach a point where we get tired with life. We reach a point where all we see and hear is bad news. Maybe you have experienced some of it. As with all resolves of unending anguish, God lights a flicker of a flame and brings hope back to life.

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You see, when you reach your lowest point in life and want to give up, that’s usually when a change happens unexpected. It may be a sliver of a flame pouncing in the shadows, but light overcomes darkness and then shadows are swallowed in the flames.

It’s okay to want to give up.

Never feel like the world is judging you when you feel that way. Sometimes hope comes after this, like a shard in the form of a flicker through your darkness that meets you through your pain. And even though you tell yourself: “I’m done! I give up!” The truth is, “No. You aren’t done. You just need to rest, and get your burdens off your shoulders, because everything does work out eventually for your good in the right time.”

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Maybe you are going through something that you can’t bear. Maybe you just want to walk away and be done with everything. We get that way sometimes. Our hearts have a funny way of warning us: “Hey, you need a break. You need to rest. Please just stop what you are doing and breathe!”

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Besides, we think when we give up it’s all over, but in reality, the essence of that defeat screams changes are coming in your life. I can’t tell you the times I’ve thrown my arms in the air and cried and complained about circumstances in my life out of my control. And then it happens. Changes come.

Yes, you are tired. Yes, you may want to give up. But new beginnings come, watch and see.

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